Book Club: Reviewing Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily

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Are you part of a blended family? A stepfamily? I am the proud mom to a stepson and two biological children, so reading Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal with Dianne Neal Matthews was a pleasure. This book is part of the Smart Stepfamily Series from Bethany House and provides a dose of "wisdom and inspiration for blended families" for each day of the year.

In the Introduction, readers are given the advice to "Start where you are. Look up today's date and start reading." That is just what I did the day the book arrived. I do not feel starting approximately 1/3 of the way in the book was a hindrance. Due to the well-written nature of the book, one can pick it up and start on the date they purchased it. Deal and Matthews also suggest in the introduction that couples read each day's encouragement together, if possible, and share some of the entries with their children.

Among the many topics discussed in Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily are:

• Parenting and stepparenting 
• Bonding with both biological and stepchildren 
• Co-parenting with exes 
• Building a strong relationship with God
• Grief in the stepfamily 
• Special readings for holidays like Valentine's Day, Easter, and Thanksgiving 
• Advice for all types of blended families
• Practical advice for families 

Each day's Daily Encouragement takes only about one minute to read and includes a prayer. This is perfect for busy families who might feel themselves being pulled in multiple directions by their many responsibilities.

I think one of my favorite doses of encouragement is July 6 – "Unlearn and Learn." It applies to spouses and children – "so stop assuming and start listening." We all have moments where we need to rethink what we know and relearn how to be a good spouse and parent. The other piece of advice I am taking away from my first reading of the book is to "choose to be in the present moment." This is great advice for any parent.

Our family might not fit the typical stepfamily description in that we are not co-parenting with anyone because my stepson's mother is deceased. At first, I thought that maybe Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily might not speak to me as a stepmom due to our family circumstances but this was not the case. In fact, I feel it will provide useful information for not just stepparents but also parents of any stripe.

I recommend Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily for stepfamilies of all types – those who are new to the world of stepfamilies and those who have been 'blended' for years. With the encouragement, words, advice, and prayers, it is something that parents can read year after year.

Mother's Day: When Does Being a Stepmom Feel Like Being a Mom?

What makes someone a mother? It is often up for debate because there are many women who hold the title mother who have different types of children: biological children, stepchildren, adopted children, foster children, and children in heaven.

For my first several years as a stepmom, holidays were a difficult time – especially Mother's Day.
My stepson's mother died a few years before I met his father (my husband) but it still felt awkward to me. As is the case for most families, there is a lot of information and details regarding our personal lives that must remain private and personal but I do want to share my feelings regarding Mother's Day.

To be honest, during those first few years I didn't feel like a proper mother. Sure, I was a stepmom and I took care of my husband and stepson but it still didn't feel quite real. I was a teacher so I knew what it was like to care about children who were not my own biological children. I had been a camp counselor seeing many kids start camp at 6 years old and 'graduate' from our camp program at 14.

I love my stepson. When I married his father, he was only 7 years old. So small. Not the towering teenager that he is today. I cared about him and his welfare. Was he eating the right foods? Did he drink his juice that morning? How was he doing in school? How do we get him to read more books?

I also didn't want to erase the memory of his mother. There were so many outside pressures on our family that it was hard to find the balance. And to be honest, I don't really know if it became easier when my first biological son was born in 2013. (Our daughter joined us in 2015.)

So I may have become a mother in 2010 with a marriage but I don't know what really made me feel like a mother. Was it my marriage that made me a stepmom? Was it carrying a child for a few months before suffering a miscarriage? Was it carrying our son for 9 months? Or our daughter? I do not know but after taking care of our three children for almost eight years, I know I am a mom. I love our three children – each in their own ways – and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for them.